Hello Cornerers! (I need to get better at this)
Although I’m sure that blog-reading has not been the same for you in these almost two months that I’ve been missing, it’s okay now, I’m here again.
I am kind of writing this post for myself in an attempt to de-construct what has been going on in my world but in a verbosely palatable way. If you found that this hits home with you in any way, then I am glad that this shareable was relevant to you. If it didn’t, then consider this to be my way of letting you in, and maybe when you gracefully depart from these premises, you would have taken a sweet little knick-knack that might come in handy someday. Just maybe.
So these passed two to three months have been a bit turbulent and a lot has happened, and of course, being who I am I often had a lot of semi-quality time with my own head and undoubtedly, thoughts were born. I realised that it really bites losing sight of the things that I want and think are important, in exchange for catering to and investing mental energy on things that beyond superficial, ephemeral gratification, neither serve me nor actually have my care at a profound level.
I am of course all for enjoying things for just what they are sometimes, and I don’t want to always think too deeply about everything; but in time, things have got to give. Putting my energies in the fleeting in hopes that they will fix what was supposed to take a bit more than a glue-on job, or that they will somehow manage to fill deep, specifically-squiggly edged holes, was not cutting it. Nor was swaying from one numbing and/or distracting agent to another, mostly the mental kind ( the rest occasionally came in the form of Nutella).
I think it’s a common human behaviour to put off stripping down all the all the phony layers and confronting what is really happening, head-on. And it’s not just when it comes to the things which unsettle us, but also the things we need to and might really want to do, because of looking at the perceived enormity of the work needed to be done to do it , or that it might just be a little bit uncomfortable, even if said thing could be one of the best things you could do for yourself, or at least a catalyst to make what could be the best of things happen.
And what a way for me to lose sight of important chunks of who I am! Inevitably, detracting from the things that are the most important to me and focusing on what I see as “lesser things” would have very well made me lose sight of who I was or what I want to achieve. The way I see it, these things that we hold so dear and think to be essential probably acquired that status because they are probably also the things that make us, well, us! A good portion of them are probably the values to which we aspire to live up or to just keep.
I haven’t exactly made any huge transitions yet, but I am definitely getting there. It’s been interesting seeing myself deliberately decide that I was going to make a move; I was going to pack my things and get away from the things I just didn’t want to linger in any longer. Thinking about it now, the decision itself is rather weighty and can be compelling, for some. I talk quite a lot about self-love here and making the best of your current circumstances and so on, and so forth, so on that same token, I also want to be the one to say that when a disconnect (or two, or three) starts to materialise, it may be time to go back to the start – home, in a way.
It’s also nice to hear from you all again.