I figured that this would be a relatively touchy topic for a lot of people and may just get a few people clicking onto this post’s link a bit apprehensively. But I promise, I will not be going into the conventional woman-hating dialogue (you know that won’t come from me!) In fact, I want to make my baby-footed effort to help quash it.
I’m going to be “real” here and tell it to you as it is: I love my girls and think that sisterly bonds are just marvelous.
I’ve always been a girl’s girl, and I hold my girl-friends dear. I have always loved it when we banded together, whether it was for planning how we’ll spend time together, or figuring out how to pull-off something of more importance. I have similarly pleasant feelings when it comes to working with women who aren’t closest to me.
It goes without saying that because I feel what I feel, I am absolutely bugged by the commonly churned-out rhetoric that we women are and are always expected to be out to get each other, that we only bring drama and cannot be trusted with one another. It’s almost seems like we’re made out to be perpetually envious, and incapable of wanting good for one another without letting the green-monster have a foot in so that together, we could conspire to bring other women down .
Unfortunately, this competitive buffoonery is not something I can say I have been sheltered from. Witnessing the consequences of this competition-oriented socialisation has not been pretty — but this didn’t all come together in a vacuum. As females we are told subliminally and not-so-subliminally that our value is directly proportional to the amount of the superficial and volatile we have at our disposal. Prettiness and popularity, coupled with male attention and validation are some of the things shoved at our face as things to give primary importance to. Because there isn’t anything else we need to pay attention to, is there?
If from a young age, females are exposed to the mantra that they can only find their value in such “all-important” determiners of worth, and that these same determiners are made to seem almost scarcely distributed and therefore chase-worthy, even at huge costs, what type of dynamic do you expect to resonate with their malleable minds? We need to do a better job at examining where the blame for all of this really lies — and this is not to suggest that we can or should pin it all down to one place, either.
I find it tragically laughable that it is anticipated that I will swallow the nonsense that I should expect to compete with and have my back stabbed by a fellow woman, by the exact same culture whose values could be the reason that Ms Hypothetical Woman stabbed me on the back.
How about this: let’s reject the venomous jibes that tell us we need to constantly look over our shoulder and simultaneously be insecure about things over which we have limited control, and that can only stay and benefit us for so long. Let’s understand that hating on the people who are probably victimised by the same things we are is only a recipe for self-sabotage.
It isn’t really a secret here that I am a Muslim, and therefore, a believer in God, so I will share with you how I see all of this with my personal life-view:
There is absolutely no reason for me to compete with a woman who is just like me. A person. Incredibly flawed and has her own quirks, difficulties and insecurities. This brings me no benefit, because tearing her down will not make me any better and will not make my life any better, and will in fact, worsen it somewhere in the long-run. There is no scarcity in anything, even those things that we’re “supposed” to be trying snatch before they “run out”; because beauty, popularity, grades, career prospects and yes, ladies, even marital prospects (this is a pre-mature-bridal-war-free zone, thanks) are in God’s hands. No, that doesn’t mean I sit idly and wait for things to fall into place because I do need to take action; but no amount of stepping on people, eves-dropping, rumour-spreading or mirror hogging is going to change what is to come. Fate. It will be what it will be. I need to drive my attention to, invest in and cultivate the things that I can control and that will serve me in the long-term.
I need to me-positive, and I can’t do that with heightened antenna-like awareness for things are probably none of my business. I can’t keep waiting for things, people and circumstances to validate my existence.
That’s pointless anyway because as always, haters gonna hate, craters gonna crate.