السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته
It’s been over a year. I know, I am sorry.
I never intended to be away for this long, but see, a lot of things went on between now and my last post. Let’s say that I successfully graduated university, and I have done well and I made myself and others proud. I pulled through quite nicely despite the rough patches in between. Alhamdu lIllaah. Does that mollify my absence a little bit? (Please say yes)
My sister and I talked about something a couple of moons ago that I have been meaning to share here.
We spoke about the different parts of our identities, and how we live in a world where people try to make us and others less multi-dimensional than we actually are. We said that this takes shape in several ways; some want to flatten and tune out certain parts of us that we are born with, or even do that with certain personality traits and idiosyncrasies that have been a part of us for a long time. Others may want to narrow us down to certain stereotypes or perceptions that come with whatever labels they’ve assigned to us, and may still be unwilling to budge when they learn, inevitably, that we don’t and can’t strictly conform to them.
The conclusion for us was that we were going to accept and completely acknowledge all parts of ourselves: the weird, the funny, the ugly and the contradictory. We also decided that we weren’t going to entertain people who make us feel deficient, or want to snuff out the bits of ourselves that feel uncomfortable to them.
I felt like I needed to talk about this here because this conversation wasn’t just important for me or my sister. I felt that there was a common theme with a lot of us; we feel the need or at least the pressure to smooth out bits of ourselves that we think are too much or are just unpalatable, especially when it comes to thinking about the way others perceive us.
And I am not talking about the character flaws that we can all have and work on, but we are indeed unique people who have our own special markers that are not going to be liked or accepted by everyone. And that’s okay. The point is that we, above everyone else, should at least be accepting of them. But liking them is certainly cool and a step ahead, totally work on getting there if you can.
And that’s where selectiveness comes in. It’s absolutely okay to weed out the people/things/situations that give you a diminished sense of self worth. You certainly won’t miss out, and doing this just might make living a little bit nicer and lighter, because only the nicer and lighter things around you are left. Even looking back now at some “toxic” (this word is so overused online, I know) circumstances were snatched away from me against my will, I can now honestly say — after some bickering and crying, of course — that I don’t want them back.
So, yeah. Be self-accepting, and totally selective. You deserve it.
I hope to write to you all again, soon.